A dear friend, who does not write here, (I keep trying) she is shy. Anyway she told me today...I do not know what I want to be when I grow up. While she is younger than me she is still an adult, with a great business she owns and runs and a beautiful family. When she said this today...I knew that, in truth, I often wonder if I am working and living out of my dreams or my passion.
I am pretty sure that at 8, 12, or 16 I did not think I would be the leader of a small nonprofit supporting people with disabilities. I did not even know many people with disabilities. I thought I would be a teacher then a vet. Well I am not.
I wonder how many of us are who we thought we would be. Are we happy with who we are....if not-then why not...and if we are then how do we manage that? I wonder if most people are who they really, really want to be. Do you think?
In the dark of the night, I practice hours of self talk "let go, relax, be in this place with peace, just be aware of the thoughts flying by...". Could I spend more time with fun dreams and wishful planning? I occasionally allow myself to dream. You know...day dream...the ones that you are fully aware you are creating...but sadly those are getting rare. Is it age? Do I no longer believe in dreams? Is this lack of possibility the very thing that makes my friend so nervous --she is not who she should be? What is left to dream of? Am I too old for the great American novel? Too tired to bring the world together for the greatest cause? Too cynical to believe in miracles? I am sad that I am not dreaming more and I would like to think I am still not what I want to be when I grow up!
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Note: I’ve been trying to post this for sometime but it won’t let me. I’m going to sign in as Anonymous but it’s really Priscilla.
ReplyDeleteRemembering the past….day dreams of today….anticipating the future. Childhood dreams of our future. Wow!
When I was little, way back in the dark ages, I always dreamed of being an airline stewardess. Back in the 1950’s it sounded so sophisticated and glamorous compared to milking cows and shoveling you-know-what on the family farm. For me, flying from place to place would have been the ultimate escape from reality. Life happens and I finally flew for the first time about 1970…not as a stewardess.
In high school I soon realized I was different that most of the other girls. Unlike them, I didn’t follow the fads, I didn’t swoon over the latest teen idol, I wasn’t upset if I didn’t have a date for every dance, etc. Looking back, I was a product of my environment. I grew up, the oldest of three kids, with the responsibilities that come with working on a family dairy farm. We didn’t buy much at the neighborhood grocery store, or any store for that matter, as we grew all of our food and vegetables; we raised beef animals, pigs, etc. knowing they would end up in the freezer. I learned to sew very early in life and by the time I was in the 6th grade I was making most of my clothes. I had responsibilities that most of my friends could never imagine. In high school I took the “commercial course”, now called business courses, and graduated ready to face the world. These early life experiences have served me well.
I started in banking, wrote radio commercials for awhile (was doing that when President Kennedy was killed), worked in an office, went back to banking as a head teller, then to a large office in one of the GTE plants, then was office manager at a couple of businesses and finally ended up in Norway, Maine. I’ve also done telemarketing work and managed a business for 5 years. Not once was I a stewardess. Was I happy doing what I was doing? At the time I certainly thought so. Looking back I can see that the “big plan” was in place as all of these work/life experiences, starting with working on the farm, have brought me to where I am today. I found that I can manage people; I think I make fairly good decisions on a pretty regular basis (Deb will let me know if I’m wrong); I have the respect of my peers as well as my superiors; I can usually see the “big picture" and try not to dwell on the trivial; I respect for those I work for and with.
Have you taken the time to look back and see where you’ve been? It might help you realize who you are, why you are where you are today, and where you might be going in the future. I believe that life, how we live it, shapes our very being.
Where I am right now is someplace I never ever even remotely thought I’d be. Did I ever once think that I’d be in a supporting role for those who work with individuals who are developmentally challenged? No! Did I ever once think that I’d find myself in a position where I didn’t think of my work as a job but a passion? Of course not! My past life experiences enabled me to be who I am today doing what I find I realize I was meant to do….something I am truly passionate about. Do I still wonder what my life would be like if I had taken the job I was offered at Ford Motor Company in Michigan; if I had married my first love; if I had stayed in college, etc.? Yes, but not very often. I’m now content knowing me, who I am, who I was, and who I believe I will be in the future. Of course, having a mentor like Deb is a huge asset. I am truly blessed that she is not only my boss, my mentor, but also my friend.
Over these many years I've been blessed with so many experiences, some good and some not so good, but that's life....it doesn't come with an instruction book. I look at life as a journey with some speed bumps along the way...some bigger than others. These speed bumps build character. I've had my share of speed bumps along the way and anyone who knows me will tell you...I'm quite a character! Are you familiar with "Maxine" from Shoebox Greetings? She's a crusty old broad who is very outspoken on most subjects. If and when I grow up I want to be just like her.
Never stop dreaming, but always take time to reflect on where you’ve been and who you are today. It could be your path for tomorrow.
Priscilla that is so nice...I do love Maxine and guess being like her would be pretty cool indeed. Love the finish. Well said!
ReplyDeleteThis is from today's meditation that I read. Letting the spirit lead us is REALLY hard work. I know I for one am resistant to the direction I am sometimes supposed to be going.I thought I knew what my work arena would be like as an adult and I have been lead in a direction I never dreamed that I would be in.Life is more fulfilling when being lead and listening to that still inner voice!
ReplyDeleteGoing with God, like any other art form, requires sustained and consistent practice, over an entire lifetime, and some of us learn the steps and the rhythm more easily than others.
Going with God, like any other discipline, requires that I repeatedly lay down my own agenda and my own ideas for how things ought to be and accept that I did not create the world. I don't run it, and, relief of all reliefs, the ultimate outcome of the world doesn't rest upon my shoulders or my laurels. Letting God be God and letting God lead really is about living in grace, but for those of us who are strong-willed and bull-headed, it often feels like defeat or weakness, and that makes it very hard to learn to go with God.
It's a big leap of faith, isn't it? I don't run on the belief that my agenda is the best way to go....I generally try to please and comply to everyone elses' agenda, but I can be strong-willed and bullheaded. Just ask my family! I always dreamed of being a veterinarian. No money, then marriage, and adopting two foreign born children (who are both the great loves of my life!) changed that dream. So, when I grow up, I just want to be filled with the same joy I feel now when my children are happy, when my dogs greet me at the door, when I wake up, after I feed them, (you get the picture) and still have that childlike wonder at the amazing gifts God gives us.........the sound of a babbling brook, birds singing, butterflies, a warm rain, the first winter snow. When I grow up, I still want to feel like a child inside!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to be a writer. I wanted to clean windshields (I love drawing the squeegee across the glass). I didn't want to get married nor have children. Couldn't see myself walking down an aisle in a big white dress. Found out as an adult that I could get married any way I wanted -- we had a big party in our apartment. ADORE my child. Love my job. I always to be grown up and in charge of my life. It still feels like playing house!
ReplyDeleteI like playing house! So much fun isn't it? You are all great inspirations. I still want something...I feel pulled toward it. I will let you know when I know what that is...I think it is God pulling me.
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