Why do we not treat each other better? I have spent much time this past few weeks in self assessment. I have been put into the middle of chaos by no action of my own. But I am here and at the mercy of the opinion of others and the decisions of people for whom I have little to no respect. When I enter into conflict I have defense systems that flash into play like an F-18 fighter jet. If I sense people are attacking my core beliefs of fairness and dignity, my integrity or those I love. I am in fight ready mode. It is not pretty, nor always well thought out...it is reactive. I have a bite like a bulldog...I do not let go. I worry, really I do---I consider the possible dangerous of righteous indignation (is that where I am going) I worry that I will become immobile.
What do you do when people wrong you? wrong those you love? When the big guys push you down and one day you wake up with no tolerance. How do you fight the system without looking self serving or self righteous? How do you give up and walk away knowing someone has been hurt in the process and you have no solution? That is when my faith is tested and I struggle to stop, ask for mercy and grace. I try to ignore that little voice and remain engaged all systems go. That is my truth--- in all its ugliness. (Ps that is my daughter...hmm like mother like daughter)
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Such great questions. Such difficult answers....no easy or clear cut answers. Never give up!!! That is for sure!! You are a force to be reckoned with, and I so admire you and hope to be more like you when I grow up!! You are too hard on yourself, for you accomplishments and successes are many, and you should be proud. The battle for which you stand tall and fight steadfastly for each and every day is a huge battle. Every little victory you win is a big victory for someone we serve and strive to do better for. For those who don't treat others well, that is their sad cross to bear and their loss to learn. We can not understand that because those of us who join you in your battle, care. We care. Your faith serves you well, as my faith does me. It keeps us in the battle. And you will not become immobile. I need you. I have just begun to know you and I know I need you......you are an amazing woman. YOU CARE!! That is good, that is powerful, and that will get you through. And you daughter, I bet, is very proud of her momma!
ReplyDeleteDamn, I want to respond but too tired (deleted what I had) - need a rested mind. Are you saying your daughter was wronged?
ReplyDeleteThanks Kathy-you are kind...I figure that truthfully we all, even I bet, Obama, have moments when we must say (Am I taking this stance for the right reasons?) But it is really good to know that you have faith...it is a joint effort for us all at TPC and not possible for me without you!
ReplyDeleteNancy no she represents the fighter in me despite that I front myself as a peace loving left wing liberal ...bleeding heart I might add. I am pissed at what has happened to the man we support (my husband and me ---he has MR)he is struggling right now and the system has so screwed up supporting him... I find myself getting absolutely crazy with it all.
My daughter carries within her the same...hmmm David and Goliath beliefs...but my life experience is that Goliath does win....and then when I find myself being David I stop and say ...hmmmm why do I think I am David? Is that me being self righteous? Do I fight for the right reasons or am I standing for something that makes me feel better about myself? Self reflection is a wonderful thing...I really do believe that. But it often opens more questions than answers.
Isn't feeling better about yourself the bonus we get for fighting for the right reasons? Double bonus points if your fight for the right reasons allows someone else feel better about themselves.
ReplyDeleteThat is true Stacy. The line I always question is when am fighting b/c it is the right cause and the right moment rather than me becoming entrenched in "my way". I like the idea of Bonus points when it is for someone else.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel wronged, I like to wallow in self-righteous indignation.
ReplyDeleteOf course you do...it is a good feeling huh? the question is: does it help me? or my cause...well what is my cause?
ReplyDeleteOf course it doesn't help. When I can move away from the story, I try to honestly assess my part in the situation. What did I do to bring this on? I'm a firm believer in karma -- what we do affects what happens to us sooner or later. As to a cause, well, Deb, you probably know what your cause, deep down.
ReplyDeleteYes that is true...it is hardest when something happens that affects my core beliefs but I do have the power to move beyond and that is what I know I need to do. (there is a run on)
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