I love Saturday mornings. The weekend is still yet to come, there is nothing to dress for or prepare for. It is cleaning day, dump day, often Goodwill or Thrift store shopping. A perfect Saturday would include good coffee, yes many times during the week I will drink left over coffee but not on Saturday! I read of the local news and the editorials, catching up on personal emails and caring for the home front. If the world were only Saturdays what would life be like. I was recently listening to NPR about vacation and work weeks in Europe compared to the United States and I was stunned at how different our lifestyle is here in the ole US of A.
The whole question of work versus free time. The number of families where people work 2 or three jobs. How many of us began working by age 15. I was fourteen when I began paid work summers at Hampton Beach, been working ever since. Checking out the subject of work here is one interesting blogger:
I've touched on this before: The prevailing culture tells us that nothing succeeds like excess, that working 80 hours a week is better than working 70, that being plugged in 24/7 is expected, and that sleeping less and multi-tasking more are an express elevator to the top. (Link: http://www.alternet.org/workplace/110490/)
I so totally agree but wonder how do we get more Saturdays still? And if we could would we? I read another fun article --- starting the weekend on Wednesday:
Here's the big question of the season, then: Why don't we do as countless moralists urge every year and focus less on money and more on leisure (or spiritual concerns, if you must)? Why haven't we all decided to work less, spend less, and consume less?
There is an anti-consumer movement with a ready answer: We're helpless, enthralled by advertisers and hooked on shopping. I've always had a slightly more optimistic view of human autonomy.
(here is the link if you wish to read.. http://www.slate.com/id/2207406/)
I guess the truth is that I could have more Saturdays, in fact I work a four day work week now but hardly ever really take Friday off...I do like the option. I often feel overwhelmed by the pile of work I face during the week and use my spare time to clean up from the week. So what about culture drives that in me? Why can't I take time off without quilt. Now that might be worth more consideration.
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Saturdays are wonderful days. I spend half of it in my pajamas when I don't have any place pressing to go to. Play with the doggies, catch up on housework, which I don't mind doing when I don't have to rush. It's a good day to cook a "big" meal with all fixings when all the family is home, or to be lazy and a watch movie in the afternoon. Having a four day work week would be lovely. I seem to work more the older I get! My family works all days of the week, so having that extra day to catch up with everyone would be great. And to be able to drive to Bangor on Saturday mornings, vs. Friday nights when I am too tired, to visit mom and my sister, Bonny. Saturdays are good days to enjoy outside (in the warmer weather), drinking coffee on the deck and listening to the birds sing early in the morning is superb!.......can't wait! Saturdays are eclectic days and sometimes I like to just let it unfold and see what the day becomes. Most of all, it's the day I get to deep breath and catch up from the Monday through Friday busyness.
ReplyDeleteWow, you got me on this one!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kathy, looking forward to Saturday makes Friday my favorite day of the week. And not because I don’t enjoy the work week. The freedom Saturday brings is invigorating.
Work vs free time... it's going to be interesting what this recession brings.
First about me (need to be selfish and sputter) Ten years ago I was convinced that glory came from working ridiculous hours per week and telling whoever would listen.
As I aged I realized that this was not healthy, nor glamorous. And, it was impacting my personal life. So, I started to no longer communicate my workload, then started to cut back (not to 40 hours, and some weeks still are ridiculous but that’s being self employed)
Today, I proudly say I have x number of unfinished projects and it’s Sunday evening… did not work more than an hour since Friday. Do I think of them at 2am… yes but that’s the nature of a professional (I think)
Arnie and I live a relatively simple life, within our means with some luxuries (although we might need to rethink some luxuries since my retirement is now crap)
Do admit I’ve had a sheltered life and also realize that 20+ years ago my ex-husband and I struggled to maintain our life in the “burbs.” Qualify this with we never really over extended (outside of perhaps $1,000 in credit cards)
Getting off ME. I think there are few situations for overworking and materialism.
The first, as you said, the folks who cannot make ends meet. In this category you have those who live simply with primary objective to put food on the table. I have single and friends with families in this category.
Then we have those who have overextended themselves and enjoyed the material things but are now caught (warning, I am conservative [and worked in a bank] so today’s strong feelings are on potential foreclosure delays from the Feds)
Do I think the former should need to work themselves to absurdly? NO. The later, YES!
So what will this recession bring? Will our kids (starting with my “son” age 26 and going down) learn from this generation’s mistakes and go the opposite extreme?
Will they think they do not need the 3,000 square foot house and BMW? Might the best way to raise the kids not be work, work, work? I certainly hope so.
Just my perspective from a former overly communicative workaholic with a 3,000 square foot house a BMW (although I just gave up the BMW and Volvo for a Jetta a year ago… - they were post house)
We all need to work on communicating the message that material things are not happiness and there are repercussions when they are confused. And, life is not work, our jobs need commitment but there is so much more to the big picture.
I am an adamant believer in family dinner. Would love to know the stats now compared to what they are in 10 years. Sounds simple, but I think it comes down to that – sorting priorities.
Done now. Ironically off to research prices on a new flat screen TV :) a luxury which we have planned and set aside the money for...
I love your ending! It is all so true. My daughter and son often would say...remember when you drove the Audi and we had seasons ski tickets in Vermont? I say yeah and we were unhappy. But there are moments when I think back to when I would write a check for groceries and never think about the total.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that when all we do is work to have "stuff" we then never really enjoy the "stuff".
You are right Nancy there is no replacement for family dinner...I love the conversations, the table and the food. Sharing a meal is so important and sacred.
I do a lot of reading and thinking about what is important in life. How do we stay focused on the important stuff. If I were to find out tomorrow that I had ten days left what would I do? I bet I would not work and I would not buy material things...I doubt I would even use those material things..what would I do. I would smell the ocean, everyday! I would get my family around me and share great food. Lots of pasta, lots of good wine...yes that would be a material expense...sorry. I would write to all of you. I would watch a few good movies and visit the North End of Boston at least once. I would visit my Dad and pray for a moment of recognition. And lastly I would hug, hold, touch and listen to all those I love. That is what I would do. What would you do? Does that list inform us of what is important?
Last summer was another long chapter in my life and did a lot of soul searching and changed some priorities. I am not writing this for kudos, I am writing it for the memory. And, I may be repeating myself, if so, please just let me write and ignore it:) Starting to cry just thinking of it.
ReplyDeleteI remember 3-4 years back going to Massachusetts for some event. For a variety of reasons I became so angry with my mother that I refused to stay at their house EVER again (told this to Arnie, no one else) Actually got a hotel room that evening.
So years go by, still issues with Mom and no relationship with Dad (never had one.)
Memorial Day 2008 comes.... Mom is diagnosed with cancer... make a quick trip, got a hotel room then came home after my Mom told me she loved me for the first time in my life.
Two weeks later she's put on home hospice... Brought my brother from Eastport with me this time... another hotel room.
Then, I moved in... Told my brother he needed to find his own way home (poor guy had a zillion hour bus trip from Springfield to Eastport) Told Arnie he was on his own. Told customers I needed to scale WAY back.
I learned to provide all the personal care for Mom (things I never thought I could do), talked to her all the time, became very close with a couple of siblings. And I met my Dad for the first time.
Never knew him, with his emotions running we often talked about the old days -- all the stories about him early in is career as the "golden boy." Never knew that. All the stories about his career and travels, he was brilliant. Never knew that. Then the stories of his childhood. My Dad was the entire percussion section in the Boston HS Symphony Orchestra. Never knew that.
So the weeks roll on… we needed to put Mom in the hospital because of the pain. Dad and I were inseparable. We spent the last week talking and internet surfing with some breaks from my 5 siblings.
Then, Dad wakes me one morning. Mom died. As much as we wanted this to happen because her pain was intense, it was so hard. So, siblings arrive, we do arrangements, we survive a sufficient amount of sibling infighting… and we have a funeral.
I knew he was petrified I’d leave right after the funeral. Did not (to Arnie’s dismay) I could not leave, did not want to leave.
Then the departure day came. My brother invited us over for a ridiculously extravagant dinner the evening prior. When Dad and I were leaving Mike sat me down, took my hand and thanked me from the bottom of his heart. Damn, all three of us were crying. Totally unlike our family.
Then it’s time… need to get on the road back to Maine. My sister tactfully leaves the room so I can say good bye to Dad. Our family rarely touches, but I put my hand on Dad’s knee as we both started crying. He said “What Mike said but 5 times, I needed you and you were there.” I will NEVER forget this, probably remember once a week.
Since then I’ve spent at least 2 full weeks in Mass with Dad. Heading south to see him in Hilton Head on his vacation journeys next week. We talk EVERY day – don’t think we’ve missed more than 3 days since last summer.
So, this is what is important to me right now. My Dad. Someone who I spent the first 46.5 years of my life not knowing. We were both to blame. This chapter of my life has taught me so much. I hope Mom is in heaven staring down approvingly.
Within reason will NEVER stay in a hotel in Massachusetts again.
That old Yankee Stoicism is a hard thing to overcome. I barely remember hugging either of my parents...I remember that in my 20's was the first time that someone told me I was a good person. Not that they did not love us, I believe they did but they never did lavish us with hugs, kisses or praise...we were pushed to be the best we could be, sometimes I think to a fault. My Dad was my hero but he was away often (pilot) so it left my mother in charge and she was never a very happy person.
ReplyDeleteLiving with her now has been a very interesting experience. Everyday I get this HUGE mirror of my own faults to consider as she mutters around in her world.
As you describe your experience I think what a gift you received. It must have made your mother's last days a gift for her as well. Knowing you were there and feeling the love of her family not just for her but for each other. Wow Nancy...enjoy the time with your Dad!
The touching/hugging thing I find so interesting. I never experienced all the hugging till I moved to Maine, it seems to have replaced the handshake here :)
ReplyDeleteI attended at a work banquet last fall. A man came up and hugged me… nice as can be, looked vaguely familiar. As he walked away I turned to my friend, Jim, and said “who was that”? This is the embarrassing part… Jim said “That was Roger, Linda’s husband” we were all at your house last winter for a dinner party… Then I remembered… damn. And, we had a grand old time with Roger at the party… but I had met him ONCE.
That evening I was hugged (and hugged) so many times (everyone else I thankfully recognized.) And this happens all the time up here in Maine… or is it me, perhaps I have gotten past needing a foot of personal space?
Would be interesting to see some old friends, who I NEVER hugged, and see if hugging is the automatic greeting….. ya know, I think I’ve already found it is. Must have been me… Stoicism perhaps not a trait but behavior?
Deb, what about you with your kids? Did you break the pattern? My suspicions are yes?? I did break it from my perspective with our “son” Sam, we do hug and say “Love you” But, that's Sam...
Once I became an adult, I initiated hugging my parents and brothers. My father picked it up quickest. I hug Ailie every now and again for no obvious reason. She never was a huggy child but enjoys rough housing. I suppose we express our love by punching each other in the kidneys. It freaks me out a little bit when people hug me unexpectedly, but it's nice, too. Now, listen to this -- last time I was in the mid-west (maybe 3 years ago), my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law both kissed me on the mouth as a greeting and departure. It happened too quickly for me to anticipate. It wasn't just me -- they were doing it to everyone (well, John and Ailie). I was repulsed! I only kiss my husband and animals on the mouth. That is my rule about kissing! But I didn't say anything. How do you all deal with unwanted social interactions like that? I hate being untrue to myself and my body, but I also can see that getting along and not creating an issue is valid as well.
ReplyDeleteThat is a tough one. Uck. I am with you, I am not for kissing on the lips. I am not sure how you handle it. Maybe limit your visits? I suppose you could tell them but I think you might have to figure out a way to transport yourself out of body for that 5 second kiss.
ReplyDeleteI'm finally relaxing and going through old threads -- missed these last 2 before. That would have been a good dicussion :)
ReplyDelete