Some days get Long!

I have been thinking how some days seem so long...what is that anyway? I can wake up on a day with seemingly nothing important to do and the whole thing flies by. Then there are others that drag endlessly...one meeting to the next, one task to the next all very, very slowly.

I think at times when life throws out curve balls...when family, friends and wellness all become fragile and I become annoyed with the tedious tasks of the day. I have a friend who is facing breast cancer...I have an ex brother in law (whom I care deeply for) who is also facing breast cancer. Both face surgery and difficult times in the next months. Both have deeply touched me. Their lives give me reason to stop and to feel my living in a different way. I see the odds in simple numbers, each day a gift and yet as it passes I am aware that I am statistically closer to the failings of our human bodies and minds. I feel sad and blessed to be with people who face the dark places. I want to know the right words to say, the right way to be present without being trite. I see with brilliant clarity my silly concerns amidst their bravery. Ah life is funny and some days seem so long. It is good that night is here and I am ready to let go. I will send positive thoughts to my two friends.

Who among us knows Hallelujah?

My hubbie has this thing he does...every day he posts the "song of the day" on Eliot on Line...it is a local list serve. He puts a great deal of thought into these songs...such as Sunday is always spiritual and the weeks have themes. Recently he posted a song that has been with me for days by its' original author...it is a beautiful song and worth the listen.

Hallelujah...is the song and the original creator was Leonard Cohen...the words are so beautiful. The images he creates with his words are so wonderful...there is a line that he uses "its a very cold and broken hallelujah" and so many times in my life I have known that feeling...but I am grateful that I know the hallelujah...so take a listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttv5dyvtF4o

Happy Happy Hallelujah!

What about the heat?

Okay it is hot. Really hot. It has been a long time since I have been forced to live without air conditioning and this is crappy. I am trying to think what it is like for millions of folks who live without the advantage of AC. I am becoming one with them. Well not really because I have several fans...but still no cold air. I have waited all summer for this and now I ask myself what it is I like about hot weather anyway. Oh and did I mention in my new tiny and ucky apartment I have no good food...seriously...black coffee, a few cans of soup (progresso of course) and some black beans. No sugar, no good fruit and no yummy chocolate. Wow maybe I can loose weight. But it is hot here on this second floor walk up. A life time, a huge mortgage on a too big, too old, too new england home in beautiful Eliot Maine...but here I am in a four plex in South Paris...yep life has some funny turns now don't it? I think this is a tylenol pm night.

So when you find regular America...farm land, hard working and hard playing families romantic. Let me tell you this. It is hot in a heat wave!

Reset...time to start a new way of doing!

This morning I am going to walk on Dead Duck Beach. terrible name--great place. I am taking Hannah the puppy with me and we will stroll along the sand. I am going to kayak again today..yesterday was very nice...sunny and quiet. I am going to do a few things for work on my "to do" list and I am going to get happier.

I have to find a balance in my days and stop worrying. The sun is shining so it should be a nice day for all these plans. I will exercise and spend a few minutes on personal reflection. Wish me Luck!

I am tired...Did I sign up for this?

Do you ever find yourself saying..breath...just breath or trying to find a way to escape the reality in your sights. I am so tired of the grind. I am not trying to have a pity party---well maybe a bit. I find the grind each day to be just a tiny bit exhausting. The million things that need to be fixed...the million more that should be fixed and the other million I want to fix because they make me crazy to look at.

I am pretty sure my life could be a reality TV show...seriously you would only have to spend a week here at my house and you would agree. I live with a ridiculous number of people...my husband, my mother (82 and vrey tired!!), my daughter and her two children...my lovely grand daughters 3 and 5, a man (28) with developmental disabilities, and my son who has just returned from many years in Chicago...long story you can fill in the blanks. Here we all are..broken, crazy and well, yes tired.

I am not sure how I got here. I know that it should be much quieter these days but instead we have added so much more. Mostly, it is not the people I am frustrated with but the roof, the wet basement and the many places that require paint. I am tired of my husband telling me that this or that cannot be done, he is likely frustrated with me asking...I find myself looking at my house wondering if this year the tornado season might strike 682 River Road with a bang..or a swoosh or whatever would require a total rebuild. (of course all of us would be at dinner at Ruby's at the time) So with all these thoughts and issues running through my head I am tired. Did I mention that my mother does not like my husband?

Books and Things

I have this book, it was returned to me after I had loaned it and what is most important is that I have loaned this book many times but this was my original read. I open the book to all my notes and comments, my underlines and I feel like I have traveled to a woman long ago yet still the same. I see the words that I wrote in the margins and I am amazed to feel so much the same. The book is a favorite about faith and being a woman, it is a remarkable read and often people have not heard of it. The book is An Interrupted Life, The Diaries of Etty Hillesum 1941-1943.

Here is a quote that has always been a favorite:

"As life becomes harder and more threatening, it also becomes richer, because the fewer expectations we have, the more the good things of life become unexpected gifts which we accept with gratitude."

What a wonderful thought indeed. Perhaps that is why the people I have worked with all my life, people with developmental disabilities, are generally grateful for small things. It is both sad that they would have lower expectations but perhaps the one thing that I love the most. I am continually witness to what is good about life through their eyes.