I am worried that I will not fall asleep. I have been on route back to Los Angeles since noon time. After a long flight with a few naps and the re-entry into my life here I am finding sleep is not coming easily. Of course my two dogs seem to be doing just fine filling the empty spaces of my bed. (note my grand baby barely fits with dogs)
The interesting thing is that I am worried. I have figured out that I worry. I worry about almost anything and everything. I think of all that might go wrong and when it does not confuse my worry with proactive intervention. Of course this is not truthful since much of my worry never comes to any reality. I come from a good gene pool of worry...we like to worry in my family. We do not like to sleep with dogs, that began with me. My two children like to sleep with dogs.
The question I ask myself is why must I worry. Why do I find it so darn difficult to just be "in the moment" just be grateful for all that is mine to enjoy. How lucky I am. How fortunate I am. I have family and a home and food. I have generally good health, well you never know what might come.
The sad truth is that I am at odds with myself. I want desperately to be peacefully enjoying the beauty that surrounds me, to feel in sync with the universe. But I cannot figure how I am going to pay the bills that are due and wonder if I should take back the shoes that I paid an insane $98.00 for? They are not even comfortable. Note to self: do not shop after a glass, well two of wine. Good heavens a new thing to worry about...I drink too much wine.
Tonight I am going to sleep with my dogs. I am going to be happy they are alive and do not have fleas. I am going to be happy to sleep. Tomorrow I will worry about why I worry.
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I too worry, although I like to think of it as problem solving. The fact is; most of the problems are not mine they are just the effects of being actively involved with work, community or family. Worry is from striving to do good, the effort to create a caring, loving, cohesive environment; making change.
ReplyDeleteIf you figure out how to live in the moment let me know...my thoughts last night to achieve this was just to withdraw. Give up the extended involvement with society, do just the minimum required.
My biggest worry is; will our efforts make a difference in the end or just frustrate us till the end?
Pat you are so right...often I think withdrawing is the right way to go...but we both know that would not make us happy. It is in our blood to keep trying. I know it makes me crazy sometimes but pray to be strong enough to keep going. Miss You!
ReplyDeleteAlways a worrier, I've come to believe I worry for just the reason I can't take my eyes off the road when my husband is driving...I feel "responsible" - foolish woman! As if I really am all that important! As if I really have any control. And so, like you, I try to find peace in a moment, to be comfortable in the universe...and let God. Just let it go. (Good luck with that! :) ) I enjoy your blog.
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