Me time...how do I use it?

Okay who does not struggle with these realities. Whose time is it anyway? I often find that my "me time" is last on my list. Good codependent that I am. I should be clear, in order to be honest, that it is not because I am a selfless person that I take care of others, I am worried about how they will react if I do not. Essentially it could even be considered selfish. Selfish because my actions are all focused on keeping peace and harmony for myself as well as others.

This past week I got lost in work, in relationship with my family and my blogging took a back seat. I blog for peace of mind. I put words to what I feel, I sort out what I feel and somehow it is like therapy for me. Often I am surprised at what actually happens when I begin to type. Some days it is effortless and others each word is like the last mile of a ten mile run, painful and necessary. I think those words are often the most important I write.

In my mania weeks, the last two, I accomplished a great deal. It is easy to see why people who have mania like the highs...so productive. I am a little bit of a manic depressive but so far less depressed than manic. Good thing. I figured out a while ago that if I let depression get me it is a long, long haul out. I know that to survive it is necessary to keep moving and keep being "productive". Of course productive can mean a walk on the beach, a visit to the gym, a good blogging session and always that my work (the work I get paid for) is in motion. Often too much motion. But it feels good to look back at the wake I can make. Sometimes scary but mostly good.

I will keep my good highs and hope that the lows are little ripples in my life that cause a sad Saturday or lonely Tuesday night. I guess mostly I plan to not judge my "me time" and if I spend it on others or work that is okay especially if it pleases me.