Holidays over--great time for vacation

So what a great time to take some vacation days. I had a whirlwind Thanksgiving which was better because I knew that Monday would be all about me. Just getting time to cruise with hubby and hit second hand stores, have a lunch somewhere new and enjoy the ride. We are pretty simple in our fun.

Mom is back home, did I mention she left for a few weeks? She was not happy recently, she is not happy a lot lately. The Alzheimer's nightmare has been harder on her these past months. She is forgetting more and more and has faced her inability to drive. This forgetting makes her cranky and understandably depressed. Of course she was never one to take depression lightly. So after a few days with Becky (sister) and Lynn (other sister) she has returned. Last night she rearranged her room! Alone! This morning we rode to take the grand kids to school (their Mom is studying for law exams). It made Great grammy happy to see the school and be a part of the morning routine. It made the girls happy to show off their school. It was a good thing. As for the rest ...it is not easy but nothing is. I pray for patience for us all.

Off to shop for deals with Bob...the beans are baking and life in Eliot is quiet and peaceful.

Family, the gift of grandchildren

I sit here in the dark with my two grandchildren, two beautiful girls and think how blessed I am. They have spent two days at work with me, trying at times..hmmm that would be yes! But overall impressive. They found the porch at the administration office where I work, it is an older building with a side sun porch (no furniture) just loud wooden flooring and a row of windows. They ran up and down it, they brought their treasures of paper and bits of clay into it and they called it a fort! They moved from beneath the small kitchen table in our office to the porch and to the fort made of my conference table chairs and a throw blanket..oh yes and one pink scarf of mine. Stories and make believe while I answered emails and made obligatory phone calls. We went to the main day program site where our walking trails begin and they ran around the small loop, played on the edges of the container gardens and made up stories about the lawn swing. At five and four the whole world is an adventure.

I sit here in the dark putting into words the moments that I partially ignored today, busy with grants to get out, a family member in need of residential placement and a staff meeting to address fears and rumors regarding budget cuts and lay offs. All the while in my view, parallel to my so important world these two delightful creatures centered my reason for being. I am blessed.

LIfe it is Crazy

So here it is ....the holiday season and here we are with all that expectation and baggage. I used to visualize my "baggage" as a big ole pile of garbage following me around. The dutiful puppy, which I never owned because all of my dogs are raised by me and out of control. A good codependent has issues raising dogs. Maybe that should be the title of my book.

I digress which is something I do with great frequency, rather enjoy it actually. I liken it to stringing the "chain of causation" in a good tort case. How do all these seemingly unlike factoids actually fit into one conversation? Simple they are all related to the same author.

Okay so my mother is fighting with my sister and with the world. My mother who has lived with me the past two years and brought all of her dysfunction and her issues to the mix, who left to be with my other sister two weeks ago in a huff, a bad night and now is with other sister. The respite has been wonderful but it is sad because she is not wonderful. All in all she is upset, angry and now will not come to my stupid house for Thanksgiving. Well okay but we still have your life to deal with and the three sisters,whom you raised to distrust and generally dislike each other..who by the way have only really come back to liking each other in the past few years, are struggling to work through all this. What a life. Confused? So am I. But hey it is the holidays. Happy Turkey day with whatever that brings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Busy Busy

So where have I been? I am not sure. Busy very busy. I realize that sometimes I make myself busy with no real purpose but just keep moving.I over achieve (just a bit) and well maybe I should say I try to over achieve...and then always have this need to do more. I want to spend more time playing brain quest with Lexie and Sky. We play in the mornings before school ...it is routine. For every answer we drink our smoothies (all natural yogurt, berries and honey) hope that I am not teaching them drinking games! Sure is a great way to get a full glass of nutrition down! I am going to find ways to slow down. Yes I am...really!

Visiting Dad

So I spoke to Hospice and I talked to the nurses to convey that we really do not want them to force him to eat. I have asked that they discontinue feeding him supplements of calories (to what end I ask?) and that they respect that he and his family understand he is dying. My goodness my poor Dad has been dying a slow death for years. Nancy Reagan was not kidding when she said "the long good bye". I is a horrible disease and a horrible existence. My father would never have wanted to live this way. Yesterday I went to see him before work, he looked old and tired in the morning, really old. He tried to smile and his blue eyes met mine a few times and then he fell back to sleep. I miss him, have missed him for a while now...and yet if I could find a way to scoop him out of that place and bring him home to die....I would in a minute. I will ponder that today.

Life's Circles...the family tree!

This weekend was filled with so many things. My father who is in end stages of Alzheimer's was on death's door and suddenly has yet again (seriously ever since he came back from his brain hemorrhage ten years ago after last rites he has had several of these come backs) revived himself...This time it seems he is making contact with all of us. It is so bizarre..no he is not saying "Hello Deb there are so many things I have wanted to share over the last five years"but he is making eye contact...nodding and looking more alert than he has for years. If you mention someones name he looks at his bulletin board with all the family pictures as if he is trying to find them. Each of us, my sisters and I have had moments with him this last week that have been amazing. My daughter Jackie spent an hour with him the other day and what a gift! He is not the frail,thin, toothless old man that you first find when you enter his room. He is Dad and grandpa. He is getting ready to die.

On the other extreme two grand babies who currently live with me have been fighting the flu. Poor girls are both sick,the oldest one having had two separate trips to the ER after rejecting the anti viral medications given. Holding them and caring for them is so profound after just holding Dad's hand. Life goes on and circles back to this little family in this giant universe. Mine.