Mania and Quiet and God

I live my life many times in two modes. Mania (this mode is very efficient, focused and moves mountains) however I do not sleep much. Then I get quiet. Pulling in the resources and living in my head. (this one has the power to be very constructive but can also be dark and filled with a repeating laundry list of Deb's unmet needs, undone projects and all the people she is letting down). Both of these places assume a power that is absurd don't you think? Seriously since when am I the keeper of every one's well being and how does anyone move at triple speed without collision?

Tempered, held gently I have been able to live these two people in me, most of the time to my advantage. I rest on the down times and read, keeps me out of my own ego. I try to do the social obligations and share my ideas with folks when in over drive and sometimes something sticks. But ultimately like and addict I had to learn a while back that I do not have total control. I can control so many things, (see as I say this I hear the tape ..of course you can control it ...it is your life for goodness sake) BUT I know, in fact, that I cannot . There are time despite my 51 years of experience and knowledge I fail to stop the flood of ideas, the brain speak and the warp speed at which it assails me. I fine the urgency for more does not easily rein in, rather like a race horse given full lead.

It is when I live in my FAITH that I am at my best. No ladies I am no evangelical, I am not a crazy right wing Bible thumper, I am however a believer. I believe with all my heart that once I found my faith my life changed for the better. Like all other areas of my life my degree of commitment and energy given to my faith waxes and wanes but the knowledge that I am loved by God, is so profound that it refuses to be denied. Since my early forties (when I figured it out...when I heard the words "you are loved") I have never been the same. Some would say I am a new testament, easy rider. I am. I love the Gospels...I love all they have to say about life and goodness and kindness and morality. I love the man who was Jesus, the simple carpenter, the healer, the father. But most of all I love living in the knowledge that Grace and Mercy are with us always. Are ours for the asking...some folks really do not like this simple believing and that is fine. But for me it is what I know in all of my being. We are all loved profoundly. We are all filled with faults and fears and misgiving. And that is okay. We need to but reach out to the hem of life with faith that love is the profound healer and experience the joy. That is all the knowing I need even in this chaotic imperfect world. Feel loved today...you are!