Addiction, the family disease

I have witnessed addiction in my life, felt its grip on my sanity and endured the loss of love from one you love. The venom of an alcoholic's words aimed at the heart while often grandiose and misrepresented land invisible arrows for a life time. Life on the sidelines sucks, the insidious guilt, fear and hope warps reality.

There is no glory as a recovering co dependent. No cheers when you announce your role in the disease and your desire to remain "not" codependent. No coins given at day one, week one or year one. No celebration that you have chosen a new life free of addicts.

Today I feel it is a life no less difficult than the addict and equally as certain to resurface in your world. If, this is a BIG IF, you are smart enough to leave the relationships that brought you to codependency the likelihood it will resurface is high. And for many it will appear in the love most precious, your children.

This addiction, this relationship between parent and child fills the soul with desperation and a sadness that holds joy hostage.

I want a chip. I want to feel brave and courageous. I would like to feel valued for stopping the insanity. I sit rather with a heart beating, I am here. That is all. I want the end of addiction and all that forever lay wounded and scarred at its feet.