Me and Bobby

A visit has ended and with the rising sun I feel dark. Living apart from my husband only makes sense on some days. I live here because of my grand babies, because we are supposed to be reunited within the year, because I am making a living here ....but in the end it still sucks.

I watch the clock ticking and think of the years that I have left-this started happening on my 50th birthday. I am aware, more than ever, that this is temporary. My family history of Alzheimer's disease taints my view of old age. It is almost certain that I carry the gene and will experience significant memory loss long before my body gives out. What do I do with the years I have left...twenty maybe a few more or less. As Bobby disappears into the security line and I pull away from the curb at LAX I am completely aware that this is not how I want to live. I miss our life, or silly simple life.

I miss the certainty of my youth when I knew that one more promotion would make me happy, owning my own home would create security and being pretty mattered. I look to my verse for the day pondering how the Lord will establish me and protect me from the evil one. I hang here on that word...evil. I am grateful to be loved and that is where I will rest today.