Live every moment, enjoy every sunrise and enjoy the magnificent person you are!

Who does this? I ask because it seems I should, I certainly can aspire to be this person but my shortcoming in this endeavor is huge. I am not this person. I start and stop...become unconscious of the beauty around me and feel a hunger for something more. I forget to watch the sun quietly repeat its daily circle above my head. I am not at all confident that I am a magnificent person.

Today I attended church for the first time in too long...I picked a church from my smart phone directory of churches close by. I intended to find a large enough place to be lost in the crowd and quietly re-acquaint myself with organized worship. I found a pretty little Lutheran church just a mile away...it was pretty inside..something you would find in a small New England town, pine beams and small stained glass windows. And I was one of maybe 20 people in the church that probably only seats 100. I could smell the age of the building, not a bad smell but one of a building left empty for more hours than it is full. We sang many older hymns with only an organ and I sang, something I often do not do in the larger churches. The scripture as always fit the day Isaiah 55; 1-5.....

¹ “Come, all you who are thirsty,

come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. ² Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare. ³ Give ear and come to me; listen, that you may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David. ⁴ See, I have made him a witness to the peoples, a ruler and commander of the peoples. ⁵ Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations you do not know will come running to you, because of the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor.”

It is interesting what happens when you stop and listen. When you let the call of your heart pull you. I found myself in prayer after communion with tears in my eyes...It was not sadness it was grace. I am still not sure I believe I am magnificent but I believe I am a daughter of God and he loves me, that is magnificent. Enough for today!

Fourth of July, Family, Freedom...life

Sunday with Bobby my kids, their family and friends and Mom...a good day. Burgers on the grill and all the appropriate fixings even watermelon. We played basketball, catch (softball) and hung out on our funky little street right in the middle of West LA. Trees line our street, small cute little homes and hardly ever do cars come on our street. It is a unique place considering that one block from us are two busy, busy streets and the City.

Today I try to hang on to the day as Bob flies back to Maine and we all begin our "normal" life. I spent most of the day in bed or sitting on the couch with the exception of two dog walks. It felt like that kind of day after dropping Bob at LAX early in the morning. I felt lonely and sad. I worked hard to be okay with those feelings and just be.

Why is it always hard to savor the good times and not resent the return to normal. Why is that? So why am I not grateful for the life I am able to live? I have freedom...I choose what to do and where to live. I am so blessed. Why does that escape me? It should not. I am honored to live in a place where young men and women sacrifice their freedom, their lives to ensure that I am able to celebrate the 4th with my family. I am able to put a flag on my yard or not. I am able to live in Los Angeles or Maine...all of this is for me to decide. I have family around me and I am able to drop into a moment watching my son play ball with my son in law and then have a catch with Bob. I can pick up a glove and share a catch with Bob and for a few moments there is nothing else that exists: him with his glove (a very short distance away) and me with my glove. He smiles as I throw the ball, like a girl I am afraid. I smile that I am catching his throws, placed I am certain well within my reach. But there we are in the middle of a little street with trees and neighbors and happiness all around us. That scene, that afternoon is what causes my heart to ache today. I feel guilty...I want to savor that memory with gratitude. I want to feel honored that so many have sacrificed so that I could have that moment. Perhaps my awareness of all of this is enough.

Freedom, family and the 4th--- yup that is Life!