It has always been my greatest struggle to balance work and my own personal needs. Even beyond the "job" there is the at home work, the civic obligations and all those take over the whole of me. There are times when I am very good about finding a space, going to the gym, having my nails done, just reading a book for an hour, spending time with my faith and I feel happy. But then there are the days when it slips away and at 7 or 8pm you are amazed that I am finally are sitting down.
When I really look at one of those days I often find that I could have taken a half hour for me or even an hour. So why don't I? How can I be better about remembering that all I do starts with me and when I have no energy or strength it will never be the best I have. I want to try and remember to take time each day for me. What do you do to take that time?
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As most of us sisters, I don't find me time daily. But when I NEED me time, it is usually spent chatting in person or on the phone with girlfriends or my sister. I need to have that personal touch that only a female friend can provide. Alone time is also necessary sometimes and is easier to get the older I have become (our kids are grown and not living at home, well one is still home but is not outgoing and chatty). My personal needs sometimes are fulfilled by my volunteer commitments that provide me choices that allow me to pursue my own individual interests,away from hubby.I support him in pursuing his individual interests also which then gives me alone time! I look back on parenting 4 children and working, don't know how I stayed sane. Loved every minute of it and made some forever friends because of it! Vacation helps "me" time and I encourage everyone to recognize those signs of burnout and use it. Challenging huh?
ReplyDeleteOh Deb, this is not the first time I've heard your concern either direct or indirect. What Terry says is interesting, she gets the personal fulfillment from things like volunteering; which I know you do a lot of.
ReplyDeleteIf it does not feel like "me" time perhaps SOME of this time is better spent? I believe without the correct balance in our lives we might not have the ability to contribute fully to all of our activities.
Darn, I sound harsh. Here’s a lesson I learned.
Great Falls Balloon Festival – I was appointed to the Board – ran all the food for a couple of years. Very stressful, time-consuming, Arnie hated my time away, but I loved it.
Then for some odd reason I became president of the Board and still ran the food. It was exponentially worse, lost even more time from work (self employed) and all sorts of other issues, but I loved it.
Then for a variety of reasons, I left it suddenly and kind of completely. Very hard to do, still feel the guilt from the Festival end (I do what I can do behind the scenes, but that’s it)
After a couple of months sans the Festival finally realized I was too involved. It had taken over my life and did realize it. I had lost all balance. Burn out was fast approaching.
Believe now we should only take on what we can productively do and keep all areas of our life fulfilled.
Realize my example is a ridiculous example of compulsiveness - I learned a lesson - we can only push ourselves so far and still achieve the balance we need between work, civic, family, and “me” lives.
What can we all do to achieve balance?
Terry, I love the line that you encourage your husband to volunteer which gives you alone time.:) I also agree that some volunteer time can be very rewarding. Most of the time I do love my volunteer work but when the day arrives and I am thinking "ah I would love to just plant my flowers" I re-think. I also think being with girl friends is very rewarding!
ReplyDeleteI am a believer in the vacation part now as well. You are good about getting to your special place and I will be better about that.
Nancy, oh yes that is me. I start something and suddenly I am leading the pack and working every evening on some great project. Maybe that is our clue finding the balance. Participating but not having to take it all on.Of course this comes timely as the energy committee in Norway is starting to take more time than I thought it might and I am right in there :).
Good thoughts from you both.
Re: “I start something and suddenly I am leading the pack and working every evening on some great project.”
ReplyDeleteYou are a natural leader, smart, and confident. It’s going to happen every time, unless other’s insecurities get the best of politics.
Anyway – Like Norway, good volunteer leaders are needed. BUT there is only so far one person can go.
Personally, I am leaning away to an extreme extent for anything which might cross the line. Strictly because I am still learning balance – I hit it again post Balloon Festival with another organization and backed off (still have some smaller commitments). Hoping I can give more with balance soon.
So back to you. How does someone who could lead (and should. logically, based on need) step back and not lead and let weaker leaders lead you? So hard. And, so hard with balance since it might drive you batty.
I know it is really a difficult choice. I feel so passionately about the things I am involved with. I also sit in meetings and know that with just a little direction things could be so much better. (then I say hey who are you to think you have the answers).
ReplyDeleteI think the focus for me that is going to be --If you focus on one or two things then perhaps it will have the greatest possibility of success. Lame I know but all I got right now--well and you to remind me that we cannot do it all! Thanks.
I am not a great leader and I could never manage all the things you ladies do and I am honored to be included in your company. You all make me want to do better and contribute more of myself to the community I live and work in. I am taking a bow! :)
ReplyDeleteKathy you are a leader...you believe and you walk the line...that is so important. You should take a Bow! You go girl.
ReplyDeleteKathy, we've gotten to know each other on-line, I hold enormous respect just from these interactions. Never want them to go away.
ReplyDeleteI finally met you last week. Got a very quick glimpse of what you do, the sparkle in your eyes and the impact you have with consumers. My respect was elevated. IMO you are amazing. I’d love to be able to do what you can you do every day.
Thank you both so much!! I didn't expect that and I truly appreciate it!! That is so lovely!
ReplyDeleteHello all! Seems as though I have coincidentally taken some “me” time to join the blog, after many invites. I am very intrigued by the sharing’s here on the blog and am delighted to join you!
ReplyDeleteHere I am, on vacation, digging into some work when I come across yet again, an invite to the blog. I have checked a couple out of times, here and there, each time Deb sent the invite... I had just failed to give myself that half hour to indulge in the readings and set up the g mail account. Sad I have not taken the couple of minutes before today!
The “home” vs. work balance…one that I have always struggled with! Even when I get to the point where it is driving me crazy, I never really take the time. Beyond work vs. home, the greater challenge for me has been the “give to others” vs. “give to myself” challenge. I was born a people pleaser and it has brought me to a place in life that I am not sure is the best place to be. I do not ever settle easy in life, as it is my nature to ensure (enable) those around me the greatest joy and comfort, before I allow those things for myself. I like all others here, am never satisfied with “good enough”. If things are good enough, then there is room for much improvement. It is often giving into others needs, despite the persistent feeling of “blah” because I just haven’t taken the time for my own needs. There are times that I do not feel at peace with myself, yet let it persist.
While this challenge has been ever so present all of my life, it has only been the past year or so that the need to have me time has ever been so persistent. (perhaps the not doing anything about it is what is making it worse and worse over the years:) Life just gets busier and busier and we all just allow it to. Partly, I believe, it is the society in which we live. Part of it, I believe are things we have created ourselves. The kids are a perfect example of this. Sean and I have created monsters that always need to be doing something. We truly are an active family, but the lull time we sometimes look forward to is filled with questions of “what are we doing today”?
Terry, kudos to you. I have always admired the balance in which you do have. Your right, vacation time is so important. I go through phases where I can let the work go for a while and other times, such as this vacation, I have been more wrapped up in it than I thought I would be. Summer is coming, though. That is when I leave it behind more. Perhaps I need to go to Florida with a little white laptop!
Promise I won’t write so much next time.
KB you are so classic...my daughter Jackie is a parentified child...always pleasing and over achieving..but I often worry that she does not care for Jackie...You are right about creating monsters. I remember when Matt was little and I finally decided to share custody with his Dad, Matt was in 3rd grade, well the first few weeks I thought my heart would break those three nights he spent with his Dad..Jackie was a St in HS and did her own thing...well it was not really all that long before I was amazed that it was already my day. Now this is not to say that I do not adore my kids but Man I finally took time for Debbie...it was so wonderful. I found new people in my life to just take a walk or read books and discuss...I found I enjoyed quiet time...so girl friend--I hear the call of KB time and you sure do need to take it. You have way way too much to offer at a very young age!
ReplyDeleteKristin, Welcome!!! And posts are never too long, I enjoy reading them and have been know to post some very long ones :) Everyone can make a decision on what they want or do not want to read.. I read them all!
ReplyDeleteWhat I find interesting is: 'We truly are an active family, but the lull time we sometimes look forward to is filled with questions of “what are we doing today”?'
This strikes me as you being a truly close family. Many, these days, are not. What you and hubby have developed is a wonderful thing. Gosh... "what are WE doing today"
How old are your children? And how many? This is just curiosity.
Totally understand and respect your dedication with giving to others and to work. It is so hard, sometimes, to separate from our true personal life.
A question before I make any more comments. What gives you the most pleasure and relaxation in your life?
PS to Deb -- that was amazing you made the decision to share custody, must have been so hard at first.
About the only time I didn't have "me" time was when Ailie was an infant and for a while when she was a toddler. But even then, we made sure she went to bed very early! My interests have always been solitary pursuits -- painting, drawing, now the violin. It's not a matter of fitting "me" time in, it's what I do with my time. Anything I do that is interesting to me is "me" time. I have also learned to be very careful what I agree to do because I almost invariably regret it. I'm not much for pleasing other people. John's the same way, so I've had a lot of support for what I do. We value our projects and give each other the space and time to work on them. Ailie a bit of a loner, herself. Hmmmm.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nancy. Children are 10 yrs old (girl) and 13 yrs old (boy). They are my boyfriend, Sean’s children, who live with us full time and have since we have been together. They are truly amazing children. We are so blessed, as we have very close family dynamics even thought the children are not biologically mine and Sean and I are not yet married. We have been together since the kids were 4 and 7…so we have grown into these years well together! They make me very happy and being with them is something that I truly enjoy and find relaxing. We are dedicated to our family functioning and do make it a point to do many family activities together in the course of a week. Still, thought, it is not the same as solo, all about “me”, time :) Knitting and reading are what I find to be some of the most relaxing times that I take for me. One other relaxing, and much needed activity I haven’t spent time doing is walking. Such simple, enjoyable things that I cannot seem to find time for!?!?!
ReplyDeleteMore recently in life, more so since finishing college, I cannot figure out why I am perpetually dissatisfied with the flow of my life. This morning, Sean and I were making the bed. I reached over and picked a book “Sylvia Brown’s Daily Meditations” that a friend lent me. I have not picked it up since she gave it to me, about 3 months ago. I borrowed it then, in this same frustrated sate, because I thought it would be such an opportune time to try something for me. I finally decided this morning that I wanted to talk to Sean about this imbalance I feel, even thought I felt it was going to be a “told you so” kind of conversation, as he always tells me I need to slow down and take more time for myself. I asked him why, if I get up at 4:30 am every day and don’t stop until at least 10:30 pm, that I cannot even find half an hour to go for a walk or read a book, or do some small, selfish pleasure in my life, for me? Why my life does not have balance…something I very much strive and would love to achieve. Life is so short and it is so crucial to enjoy ALL that is around us. Why after being at this job for 3 years, us having been together for 6 years, a year since we moved into our new house, a year since I graduated from college, after working and going to college full time...why after having a seemly less busy past year, I still do not have balance. Sean, contrary to my fear, replied “because you are on a course…you are motivated and driven in life; you have a path for yourself, and until you get there, it probably won’t be fully balanced.” I thought about it for a minute and he then told me he felt it has gotten somewhat better”. This conversation weighed on my mind a lot today, as it has on and off for the past year.
While I cannot pinpoint at this moment what is at the root of my imbalance, but what I do know is that I have to make a conscious effort to find and maintain that balance. Life is so precious, for what we have here today is not guaranteed to be here forever. Therefore, I will try to live more in the present. I am still going to get up at 4:30am,because I am a morning person, but I am going to try to make more of an effort to take a walk or read a book before work…after all, there is really no reason for my needing to be IN the office at 6:15-6:30 every morning! I am going to try to working at home so much, I am going to try to set time aside for some of these important things that matter-to do more volunteering and be more connected with friends that I have lost touch with over the months…to try to find that balance and focus.
Kristin you are right on and it is great that you are working this out now. I am looking for daily updates in the what did I do today section of this blog...I am happy for you. I know that it is so important to find that balance and just that fact that you are here finding it is a great place to be!!!!
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