This post has been so difficult for me, I think mostly because for the last weeks I have lived a huge heartache. Watching my son make life choices that only will add pain and struggle to his life and knowing that there is little I can do but wait. I wait for him to find the courage and strength he will need to face his demons. I know that at 23 it is not likely, I review my own life struggles and how long it took me to find a path and stop living with self destruction, how could someone so young do better?
I watch my daughter on her career path as a lawyer, with pride and also sadness. She will spend her summer doing a fabulous internship in LA California and her two adorable girls 4 and 3 will spend their summer with me. I am fortunate and love having them with me but I know how much they will miss her and she them. I also know, as does she, that for many years to come they will be cared for by others likely on the west coast far away from family while she builds her career.
In the last few nights I have found it difficult to sleep with worry and sadness. I sat in the dark last night, wondering how such emotions were possible? Another difficult conversation with my son and I feel a melancholy surge through my whole. I have no control. No simple solutions for the children I have raised and loved so long. Hurt that settles in, a few quiet tears and I wait for sleep. Loving my children.
Posts
